Out of the Darkness

For no reason at all I have felt sad all afternoon/evening. Again, the house felt empty and quiet. Chris was working so I was home alone with William, but he sure is full of life, so there should have been nothing quiet and empty about it. Maybe it is from being off work for so many days, since work still is a major part of my social life. More than anything, however, I think the darkness finally got to me. The winters in Sweden are LONG and DARK. Even though we don't have much winter weather so far this winter, the amount of daylight (or lack thereof) is still the same every year. And actually, without snow on the ground, it is even darker. Since December 21st was the shortest day of the year, it means we are already 12 days moving out of the darkness. It will only get lighter! Snuggles with my little boy, chocolate, a glass of wine and a 2 hour Skype date with one of my dearest friends has gotten me back to my happy, positive self. Moving out of the darkness.

That emptiness after company leave

Once again, I am left with the emptiness after someone has left. This time it was my mom and my little brother who had visited for Christmas. We took them to the train station this morning and immediately the feeling of loneliness took over my body. Now the house is quiet and empty. No longer does it feel warm and cozy. Only dark and cold. Everyone who have experienced this emptiness, myself included, know it is only temporary. Usually last no more than a day. Tomorrow, we should be back in high spirits.

ROI – we are back in black

This move really was my idea. It was me who wanted to move back to Sweden. I was just lucky enough to have a husband supportive enough, understanding enough and crazy enough to agree to doing it. Even though we had everything we wanted where we were at. And the future would be very uncertain, if we gave it all up to move to a new place. The past year and a half have been very trying. Especially for Chris. Many times we have doubted our decision, even though things have mostly gone our way and every step has inched us forward. Yesterday, however, I felt was a turning point. Yesterday Chris thanked me for "making him" move to Sweden. He says it was the right thing for us and he is finally happy where we are at. This has a lot to do with his new job and our house. And the feeling of finally getting to settle in. I don't think anything would make me happier than knowing he is happy too. This is what we worked towards, and we are finally here. Our return of investment is finally back in black.

As a side note, he did say that knowing what he knows now. If I asked him again. He would say no to moving back. It was too trying. It was too hard. I almost would have to agree. It was 10 times harder than I had expected. But now, we just look ahead.

One year

It's exactly one year ago today, that we left the United States. It was extremely hard to say good bye to everyone. It's not like I haven't been through it all before, but this time it was different. This time it was permanent. It doesn't mean that we won't be back to visit, cause I am sure we will at some point. But visiting is never the same. That is probably why saying farewell to my colleagues was the hardest, because once I left the team, I would never be part of it again. With other friends, we will still be friends, even if we don't hang out or talk as often. My last day at work, I was a mess. I cried non-stop while cleaning out my desk and then finally we went bowling for lunch. With the recent election we had divided up the team by political parties. My team lost, but we had fun. Then my boss held a speech for me and it was very sweet. Thinking about that last day with my team still brings tears to my eyes. I don't think I will ever have a team that amazing again. Today is exactly one year since we left Arkansas. Tomorrow is exactly one year since we arrived in Sweden. Today I mourn. Tomorrow I will celebrate!

Here we go again...

Less than 2 weeks left until closing. Started packing today. Not looking forward to living with moving boxes all over our house for the next 2 weeks. I know it will be all worth it in the end, but I really wish we could just get it over with and start our life again. It's been on hold for the last year and a half. Not saying we haven't been living. We have. We really have done and seen a lot. Made lots of progress in our lives. But it has also been cluttered with things we have to do, to get to where we will be in 2 weeks. I don't like complaining, but man, moving sucks!!!!

Familiar playdate

There must be something that draws me to Americans. Some kind of fascination. Something.

So when Chris had run into an American girl with 3 kids at a nearby playground and exchanged email addresses, I was all over getting to meet them. Due to "life", it still took a few months, but finally today we had our first play date. There was something familiar about it. Made me miss my friends in AR. At the same time, it made me feel fortunate to be able to add to my group of international friends. I hope we will have many more play dates in the future.

The Alchemist

One of my all time favorite books is the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It's a sweet story with an intriguing message. I am not very religious, but I think it is comforting to think that there is a greater meaning. The language of the World — That if you stop and look and listen, you will see signs and if you look within your self perhaps you can read those signs, to help guide your way, to realize your destiny.

One of the messages in the book is delivered by the old King, whom Santiago meets early in the story:
"The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness."
"To realize one's destiny is a person's only real obligation. All things are one. And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

I feel like this has been the case for us every time we have moved. When Chris first moved to Sweden to be with me. When we moved to the US. When we moved back to Sweden. I am not saying that it has been easy any of the times, but somehow things have worked out like pieces that fit perfectly together and complete the big puzzle. At first, every move have seemed overwhelmingly big. Like a huge rock wall, impossible to climb over. But then little by little, a path has been made and somehow, we've ended up standing on top of the world. Amazed!